201013

Oh my goodness, just went through the forensic exam books a little, and I'm feeling so stress! LAWS!! I can't seem to acknowledge which section I should go to (it's an open book test). PANIC ATTACKS!

Ohhhhh I can do this I can do this! Don't panic *breathe in and out* 

Hands itchy, went to check out *** updates in fb. REGRETTED LOL

I'm just doing some damage to myself. Saw stuffs that I don't even want to see in the first place. Bodoh. Cincha pabo. 

*Updates: Seems like everything is going well. In fact very well. I might not be surprised to know that ***'ll be getting married soon. Maybe in the next 2 years or so. It's ok, as long as ***'s happy. Me? Moving on! 

121014

Just happened that I thought of it again, and I'm being reminded of it once more today. I don't know what am I supposed to feel after almost one and a half year. How long more will I take? Or I will never forget? I believe everything happens for a reason, yes. Another lonely and rainy night to ponder on things like this...

Working life 041013

Say hi to blogging again! I have been ignoring my blog for so long. Many things happened these few months. From graduation, resting my butt off for 3 months plus and finally hit the reality. Got notified to start working A WEEK BEFORE I need to report in. I was not prepared. Physically and mentally :(

It has been a month since I have started working though. It is really tough for me to be an early bird again, not to mention I was not even one during my college/uni years. Fatigue and stress being in a completely new environment or people is taking a toll on me. When I come home from work, all I’ll do is to spend some time with my pup and then shower, dinner and off I am to my bed. Not to mention despite sleeping early, it was not enough and I can’t sleep well. I know I’ll get used to this as time passes.

Speaking about work, I know that this journey would not be easy. I have prepared myself for getting scolded and all. But the truth is when it really happened, it feels so..heartbreaking. Today was the worst so far. I know I’m not good enough, even the diploma students are better than me. But today, today a pharmacist to counter check my work and wow, I didn’t know that I have made so many mistakes (hey, I’m new in the department in case you don’t know :( ). She was really nice to correct my mistakes but I felt so hurt with her remarks. I’m a very sensitive person and when she said “I felt like I was the one doing your work” because she has to redo everything again for me. Plus, as she noticed more and more mistakes she asked “which uni are you from”. My heart dropped. I know I’m not doing any good to my uni’s reputation but this time, I really feel that I’m not good enough. I can’t be as efficient as others and my knowledge is so shallow. It really is. I don’t know if I’m just new or I’m just..incapable. I don’t know if my name has dropped in the hospital as a new PRP. I feel so sorry to my parents and uni. I wanted to make them happy and proud of me.

Maybe you will say “Ahh you think too much, we all make mistakes because we are new! You’ll get better as time goes!” Yes, it is true. But the process of getting there, no one says it is easy. Especially for slow learners like me. Things like this do not happen to my other friends in the same hospital. They don’t screw up like me (as least they didn’t get scoldings like this). I have to overcome my phobia of speaking in publics alone in such a short amount of time. I have to do things mostly by my own and make fast decisions which I can’t at the moment. Too much to cope.

I think I will remember this day for a very, very long time. It is a reminder for me to buck up and keep going. I know I can improve and I will try my best. Sometimes, it is worth it to believe in yourself and believe in what God has directed you in your life. He wouldn’t put you to it if you can’t get through it. 

I believe in You, Lord. 

Workout?

I weighed myself on the weighing scale, just 5 minutes ago. 48kg. Wait, what? 48?! I tried to convince myself that the extra weight is due to water retention and food that I ate throughout the day (used to be 45-46kg). I know I might be hated for my reactions towards body weights but 1 kg to me is a huge difference! Especially my tummy, I’m trying so hard to have a lean body :’(

Ahh I’m not determined enough! Stamina is also getting weaker, idk why. Yesterday I planned to have oats for dinner since I had a pretty late brunch. Made it and after awhile, I really can’t force myself to finish it! I didn't like the taste and the texture at all, maybe it was too thick. Threw away the rest and made myself something else. Guess what?

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INSTANT NOODLES! #facepalm #fail

 I was planning to eat healthy and clean but….sigh. At least I added in some greens and tomatoes :P Looks healthy hahahaha

Motto of the day:

U'll never regret working out :)

Gonna watch kdrama for awhile and then I’m off to bed. Wait, let me tell you my latest obsession. 

Taecyeon!!! <3 !!

Have a nice day! xx

I'm back!

Hi! Finally I have the mood to blog again!

Been so busy with my final semester for the past few months, am glad that I’ve passed everything and waiting for my convocation on the 8^th June! I owe everything to Him <3

Well, I always have a lot of plans in my mind after exams. But each time, I will end up lazing around in my house, watching dramas lol. I feel very lazy to go out sometimes, and I prefer to just chill at home. With my dog. #foreveralone

But I did go for a short trip to Redang Island! Sadly I don’t have many pictures with me, most of them were taken by a friend and it is not her practice to upload pictures online so..jwesonghamnida (sorry) guys! Met a hot beach boy in the island..like really hot omg. I wonder why I did not see any beach boys in my first trip to Redang few years back lol.

I wish I had worn a bikini! Lol. I actually went to malls alone the day before the trip to hunt for bikinis but I can’t find any suitable ones. Last minute shopping is not advised! Ughhhh felt so left out because all the girls in the gang wore bikinis and they were super hot! And I wore a two piece swimwear. Covered ones. #killmeplease

Story of my life lol.

 Btw, look! Oh how I miss this place!! Such nice views~ All pictures are not edited can! Taken from Iphone 4s solely <3

Stayed at the Redang Beach Resort. Food was so so, but overall I'm happy with it!

Some night view at the beach

We got to see blue sands at the island. BLUE SANDS. But not much though and we had to continuously rub the sands to see the glow which will only last for few seconds. The best time to see is around July and August according to the random dude at the beach. Ahh didn't snap any pictures of the blue sand! Regretted lol. 

I absolutely love this band! Unfortunately it was their last night to perform when we first came. Wasted wasted! The guy on the left playing guitar is quite charming :P

Got to chill on a hammock the second day <3 Skipped snorkeling that morning because I'm not much of a snorkeling person. 

Evoney and I! Such cutie! 

Le sleepy face with my roommates :P 

Walkway to our rooms

The reception. All the staffs are really friendly and easy going! 

Final snapshot of the beach before I left. 

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Anyway, back to reality lol. I kinda feel lost after my exams because I always feel that my current knowledge in my field is not sufficient enough for working life. My self esteem somehow lowered when I can’t answer questions from my family members or relatives regarding medications. But from what I’ve noticed, many new generations of drugs are being used now, which I did not come across before. I guess lifelong learning really applies to my field hahaha. I hope to gain more experiences throughout my working life so that I would not be so blur anymore. *fingers crossed*

I’ve been finding part time jobs lately but not the ones involving the medical field. You know, those freelance jobs. Ahh I think my profile is not good enough, no proper pictures and experiences in these kind of jobs. I think I’m lucky enough to be selected for a job this weekend, although the working hours were kinda crazy and transportation is a problem. But it is a good chance to experience something new. Not a bad thing right? :P

Recently I have been a little bit emotional due to the extra time that I have to think *zzz* lol. I realized that being pretty and glamorous is not important at all now because in the end it comes down to what is really beautiful inside you. I want to be the intelligent, confident, knowledgeable and independent girl, you know. I actually have more time to read books, feeding my brain and soul with some good stuffs instead of spending it to watch makeup gurus on YouTube and Korean dramas, which I still love to do though. Heh.

And wait! Another thing, I’m really determined to lose some weight and tone up my body! Ahh I can’t wait for those muffin tops to go away and have a better body shape. It’s so freaking hot and sunny right now that it spoils my mood to go out for a jog. Haihhhhh lol. Oh well, Gonna join the gym maybe sometime next month I guess. Bought a voucher from Groupon to join for a month with only RM48! 

I was planning to start going this week but I have to work on weekends now, so I don't have much time to hit the gym and the voucher will be wasted. So much of toning up before my convocation eh :P Not to mention that I have to skip a short trip with my uni friends because I have to work ><

Alright, shall write again when I have the time. I really need to give this blog a new face. Bleh. Annyeong! xx

Stupid Boy

I showed you all the best of me,
but I'm afraid that my best wasn't good enough.
I know you never wanted me, at least not the way I wanted myself to be loved.
I feel like I were a mistake, you are not worth all those tears that won't go away. 

You, stupid boy.