Working life 041013

Say hi to blogging again! I have been ignoring my blog for so long. Many things happened these few months. From graduation, resting my butt off for 3 months plus and finally hit the reality. Got notified to start working A WEEK BEFORE I need to report in. I was not prepared. Physically and mentally :(

It has been a month since I have started working though. It is really tough for me to be an early bird again, not to mention I was not even one during my college/uni years. Fatigue and stress being in a completely new environment or people is taking a toll on me. When I come home from work, all I’ll do is to spend some time with my pup and then shower, dinner and off I am to my bed. Not to mention despite sleeping early, it was not enough and I can’t sleep well. I know I’ll get used to this as time passes.

Speaking about work, I know that this journey would not be easy. I have prepared myself for getting scolded and all. But the truth is when it really happened, it feels so..heartbreaking. Today was the worst so far. I know I’m not good enough, even the diploma students are better than me. But today, today a pharmacist to counter check my work and wow, I didn’t know that I have made so many mistakes (hey, I’m new in the department in case you don’t know :( ). She was really nice to correct my mistakes but I felt so hurt with her remarks. I’m a very sensitive person and when she said “I felt like I was the one doing your work” because she has to redo everything again for me. Plus, as she noticed more and more mistakes she asked “which uni are you from”. My heart dropped. I know I’m not doing any good to my uni’s reputation but this time, I really feel that I’m not good enough. I can’t be as efficient as others and my knowledge is so shallow. It really is. I don’t know if I’m just new or I’m just..incapable. I don’t know if my name has dropped in the hospital as a new PRP. I feel so sorry to my parents and uni. I wanted to make them happy and proud of me.

Maybe you will say “Ahh you think too much, we all make mistakes because we are new! You’ll get better as time goes!” Yes, it is true. But the process of getting there, no one says it is easy. Especially for slow learners like me. Things like this do not happen to my other friends in the same hospital. They don’t screw up like me (as least they didn’t get scoldings like this). I have to overcome my phobia of speaking in publics alone in such a short amount of time. I have to do things mostly by my own and make fast decisions which I can’t at the moment. Too much to cope.

I think I will remember this day for a very, very long time. It is a reminder for me to buck up and keep going. I know I can improve and I will try my best. Sometimes, it is worth it to believe in yourself and believe in what God has directed you in your life. He wouldn’t put you to it if you can’t get through it. 

I believe in You, Lord.